Looking back 10 years, when I was turning 30, I had been married for only 2 years and was the father of our fist 6 month old. I don't think 30 was a big deal because *so* much changed starting with getting married, that 30 just didn't seem like a big change at all.
I think there is a clue there. Maybe I have a sense now of 'going the distance'. I've always been one to embrace change, and really do relish new and different things when they come up. Work is demanding, doing home renovations and being a family man definitely takes a lot of energy, but it's all pretty consistent from day to day. Perhaps my fear is that 40 is all about the daily grind.
Not that any of that is bad! I really am living the dream: this is exactly what I wanted! I suspect that if I had stayed in South East Asia to live and work, the issues at hand may just be the same anyway. Perhaps just written in Thai.
I've come a long way, and accomplished much. I think I have done well at keeping going. Yet the irony is that I also am finding limits to what I can do and how much I can do. Perhaps the pain right now is from feeling my finite limits and realizing there is a lot that I just cannot do.
Maybe it's all about learning to remember that 'God is soverign, and all powerful and actively involved in my life today'. Maybe I'm realizing how much God wants to be with me in every moment, and instead of doing more it's all about living more in the moments.
Maybe the pain is all about realizing the moment is critical, and that pain is God's birthday gift to me.
Monday, February 11, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Dead Ringer
My brother in law Kenton opened the paper the other day and stumbled accross my obituary. Well, luckily it wasn't me, but is this guy a dead ringer or what? Did I find my double? Do you know where yours is and what he/she is up to?
Pic of me for comparison
From the Three Hills Capital, published January 16, 2008
Daniel Vert
Born: August 2, 1960
Died: December 17, 2007
Sounds like a good guy. I wonder if I should pay the family a visit. Perhaps a little visit from Daniel in the after life? Hehe. :)
Sunday, February 3, 2008
God does care that we learn to trust
To explain my last post a bit more, God is actively with us in times of pain and cares deeply for us as individuals. It's just the kind of pain that maybe doesn't matter.
I labeled a point of pain as aging, but there can be all sorts of different points of pain that we feel. I don't think my real issue is a particular age, but that there are many things that I feel that I need to control, and have reached a point of overload where I need to focus on what I need to, and trust other issues to God.
Ironically it is in that moment and on that issue that God wants to transform us. He wants to be active in our lives right at that time that we need Him.
The actual point of pain is somewhat irrelevant compared to how we respond. We have to learn about ourselves in that moment and how we feel a lack of control over the issue at hand. We need to realize what specifically it is that we think should be easier. Or perhaps what we're entitled too. Then we can decide what it is that we need to get done in our lives, which is how we grow as people. We need to come to understand the things we need to take care of and then trust the rest to God. As those control and entitlement issues die, God is able to transform us.
When we see someone unshaken by a horrible assault of pain and able to remain at peace with God, we usually call them a saint. We all want to have the peace and joy of a saint, we just don't want to have to go through the gut wrenching trials that makes a saint. Saints are made by becoming aware of how broken and human they really are and figure out how they need to trust God.
Or said differently, perhaps the saint is the person that faces life's pain square on. Knowing that untold pain is coming, but understands it is a fact that they must face it as an opportunity to trust more. Maybe that's how those people are able to put aside their own issues, and be a help to others.
Sure, we can feel ripped off that God doesn't age, and he isn't lacking for money, and is more powerful than anything that can happen in our realm of knowledge. We can feel like it's easy for him, and we're the victims. It's not fair. This is why people try to help us by reminding us that there are other people that have far less than we do. Emily and I watched a BBC program a couple days ago about girls in Ethiopia. An estimated 40% of Ethiopian girls are wed off before the age of 12. Forced into a life where they do not have a chance to choose to seek their dreams of education, opportunity or anything else. They are forced into a life of serving the needs of the man that 'owns' them. That happens today. Even to girls as young as 5. Who reading this can say they have it worse than that?
Perhaps God seemingly doesn't care about one issue that we have identified because it's us that are hyper focusing on a single point of pain. It's us that feel like this one thing is the end of the world. Perhaps that's a good thing, because if we all realized all the pain in the world from the Gaza strip to the homeless in Alberta, we'd just crumble. But it is a human failing to be distracted from all of that to worry about a birthday.
I feel embarrassed to even mention things I would consider pain. My issues are so minor compared to so many. I have it so good to so many people I've seen and lived with all over the world. The really amazing thing is how God spares my life even though I'm spoiled and whine.
I think this is why the kind of pain is irrelevant. I think we're all faced with pain. How can you measure which person's pain is worse? Pain is simply a necessary function to teach us to understand ourselves, understand what it is that we do, be good stewards of that which we need to control, and otherwise learn to trust.
I labeled a point of pain as aging, but there can be all sorts of different points of pain that we feel. I don't think my real issue is a particular age, but that there are many things that I feel that I need to control, and have reached a point of overload where I need to focus on what I need to, and trust other issues to God.
Ironically it is in that moment and on that issue that God wants to transform us. He wants to be active in our lives right at that time that we need Him.
The actual point of pain is somewhat irrelevant compared to how we respond. We have to learn about ourselves in that moment and how we feel a lack of control over the issue at hand. We need to realize what specifically it is that we think should be easier. Or perhaps what we're entitled too. Then we can decide what it is that we need to get done in our lives, which is how we grow as people. We need to come to understand the things we need to take care of and then trust the rest to God. As those control and entitlement issues die, God is able to transform us.
When we see someone unshaken by a horrible assault of pain and able to remain at peace with God, we usually call them a saint. We all want to have the peace and joy of a saint, we just don't want to have to go through the gut wrenching trials that makes a saint. Saints are made by becoming aware of how broken and human they really are and figure out how they need to trust God.
Or said differently, perhaps the saint is the person that faces life's pain square on. Knowing that untold pain is coming, but understands it is a fact that they must face it as an opportunity to trust more. Maybe that's how those people are able to put aside their own issues, and be a help to others.
Sure, we can feel ripped off that God doesn't age, and he isn't lacking for money, and is more powerful than anything that can happen in our realm of knowledge. We can feel like it's easy for him, and we're the victims. It's not fair. This is why people try to help us by reminding us that there are other people that have far less than we do. Emily and I watched a BBC program a couple days ago about girls in Ethiopia. An estimated 40% of Ethiopian girls are wed off before the age of 12. Forced into a life where they do not have a chance to choose to seek their dreams of education, opportunity or anything else. They are forced into a life of serving the needs of the man that 'owns' them. That happens today. Even to girls as young as 5. Who reading this can say they have it worse than that?
Perhaps God seemingly doesn't care about one issue that we have identified because it's us that are hyper focusing on a single point of pain. It's us that feel like this one thing is the end of the world. Perhaps that's a good thing, because if we all realized all the pain in the world from the Gaza strip to the homeless in Alberta, we'd just crumble. But it is a human failing to be distracted from all of that to worry about a birthday.
I feel embarrassed to even mention things I would consider pain. My issues are so minor compared to so many. I have it so good to so many people I've seen and lived with all over the world. The really amazing thing is how God spares my life even though I'm spoiled and whine.
I think this is why the kind of pain is irrelevant. I think we're all faced with pain. How can you measure which person's pain is worse? Pain is simply a necessary function to teach us to understand ourselves, understand what it is that we do, be good stewards of that which we need to control, and otherwise learn to trust.
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