Rules to talk with someone about any touchy topic (repeat rules to yourself before speaking)
- I can not possibly know everything there is to know about this topic.
- I do not understand everything that has lead this person to their choice whatever it is..
- There are very many broken things in this world, yet every adult gets to make their own choices.
- I will talk with this person, and seek to know more about this issue, understand more about their point of view and look for ways I can choose to make a positive difference with them, not against them.
Additionally, you can't say 'but'. No excuses to do the right thing.
I'm always interested in talking with people and learning what they think about the issues of the day.
Recently, I've had a lot of conversations about the grid lock in politics, the Mid East crisis, gay rights and others. It's easy to see two sides restating their version of what is right. The goal of each side is to more forcefully make their point, with a 'more right' position than the other guy, until they win. We even have polls to show who's winning and how that has changed over the last while. How did this ever become the right process? Do you know the right process?
In business two companies often find middle ground when they both can make money. Not really a solution, as it is more driven by greed than goodwill. If someone doesn't get the money they are entitled to, they seek a judge to force it. The result there is a loss of Life and Liveliness and division.
Everyone wants peace, but no one is suggesting a plan to get there. What literally are the first steps to begin a dialog to peace? Someone always is helpful to state that dialog is required, but if people do not do dialog that seeks to build, and not destroy, dialog is just busy work. Dialog about getting what you are entitled too is not helping. Even if it provides a brief respite, it is at best a stopgap. The entitlements are bound to repeat.
So here, humbly, I suggest my Plan for Peace. I've tried to write this to apply to any topic, on any scale. The bigger the scale, the fuzzier the ownership requirements, the bigger the excuses. I believe if every one of us enters our dispute following these rules, we will build and not destroy. If starting with the plan above is deeply uncomfortable, then ask yourself what you believe you are entitled to.
People must choose to find a solution, and it starts with the plan.
