Trust vs Control as a parent: What teaches a kid?

Here's an interesting story:

A father plans to appeal after a Quebec court ruled that he didn't have the right to punish his 12-year-old daughter by barring her from a school trip

Obviously I don't know the whole story here, and this is not an attempt to judge. All of us parents need to do our own thing, in our own style, and in our own way. I would suggest however, that all us parents need to keep the end point in mind.

I had a very interesting moment this am as my 11 year old spoke up as I entered the room and said, 'Dad, you're good at making decisions, and I need some help deciding what to do'. He was trying to weigh options regarding taking a school field trip, or stay at school and work quietly on other projects.

Really, I don't care if he takes the trip to the badlands, or if he pursues other things. I'm thrilled as a father that he is in a spot, he's torn between various options and issues, and wrestles with his particular personality as he decides what is important. What were the issues? For him, choosing one means one is left behind. There is potential gains doing the trip, but massive risks on being trapped on a school bus for 4 plus hours. There is safety in peace and quiet, and doing more intellectual pursuits on his own.

I'm proud as a peach that he is owning the choices, owning the consequences and the decision, and had a load of tools to suggest to help evaluate what we know, to ask a couple of key questions that helped produce a clear decision.

Man, this kind of stuff isn't bad, it's the key. I want my kids to own decisions, and thrilled to be included as a friend, partner, trusted resource to come along side and help process. My best dad day yet.

There was a clear option to 'help' by telling him what to do, and controling the options. But what does that ultimately teach?

Oh, and he decided to stay.