My Peace Plan

Rules to talk with someone about any touchy topic (repeat rules to yourself before speaking)

1. I can not possibly know everything there is to know about this topic.
2. I do not understand everything that has lead this person to their choice whatever it is..
3. There are very many broken things in this world, yet every adult gets to make their own choices.
4. I will talk with this person, and seek to know more about this issue, understand more about their point of view and look for ways I can choose to make a positive difference with them, not against them.

Additionally, you can't say 'but'. No excuses to do the right thing.

I'm always interested in talking with people and learning what they think about the issues of the day. 

Recently, I've had a lot of conversations about the grid lock in politics, the Mid East crisis, gay rights and others.   It's easy to see two sides restating their version of what is right.  The goal of each side is to more forcefully make their point, with a 'more right' position than the other guy, until they win.  We even have polls to show who's winning and how that has changed over the last while.  How did this ever become the right process?  Do you know the right process?

In business two companies often find middle ground when they both can make money.  Not really a solution, as it is more driven by greed than goodwill.  If someone doesn't get the money they are entitled to, they seek a judge to force it.  The result there is a loss of Life and Liveliness and division.

Everyone wants peace, but no one is suggesting a plan to get there.  What literally are the first steps to begin a dialog to peace?  Someone always is helpful to state that dialog is required, but if people do not do dialog that seeks to build, and not destroy, dialog is just busy work.  Dialog about getting what you are entitled too is not helping.  Even if it provides a brief respite, it is at best a stopgap.  The entitlements are bound to repeat.

So here, humbly, I suggest my Plan for Peace.  I've tried to write this to apply to any topic, on any scale.  The bigger the scale, the fuzzier the ownership requirements, the bigger the excuses.   I believe if every one of us enters our dispute following these rules, we will build and not destroy.  If starting with the plan above is deeply uncomfortable, then ask yourself what you believe you are entitled to.

People must choose to find a solution, and it starts with the plan.

Help me Think

Why do we tell people what to do, instead of helping them think through THEIR choices?

I get that a business, informal or formal group, or government has to have rules, either policy and procedure or at least culture and taboo to provide a structure for safety, productivity and efficiency. But why does it always slide to a lazy state of just telling people 'do this'? I even get that unhealthy or immature people need the fear of punishment to help them over ride their passions. Hence, fear is the beginning of wisdom.  

But the goal should always build people up to where they understand their role, boundaries and their responsibilities, and once they have grown up fear is now a detriment.

Fear can backfire. Telling, or controlling the actions in the minutia breeds fear and angry people who are full of excuses because it is not their fault. When you tell someone what to do, you open the opportunity for them to blame you when it doesn't work. Rationally, you cannot tell someone what to do and then expect them to accept the consequences. It also isn't healthy for someone to be told to do something they don't agree with and expect them to own the consequences. Helping people think it through builds society and produces happy people.

For the sake of humanity, we have to take the time and have the discipline required to help people think. I really do think it is just that simple.

I believe

I believe that our purpose on this planet is to learn things through what is around us in order to make choices.  Then live with the consequences ourselves: not pushed onto others, or future generations.  The only thing possible to get from that process is a profound sense of the connectedness of it all, and the importance of community.

From there, one values transparency, equality and respect for all, and works to own the pains of this world for the sake of others.  The result?  A clear understanding that God is alive and active, actions that demonstrate the above, and an ability to enjoy life along with others in each moment.

Seriously folks, that pretty much sums it all up.

Just in case anyone wonders what I'm on about...

This is a speech by David Foster Wallace at a graduation.  The original full speech is on YouTube.

This is Water from Patrick Buckley on Vimeo.

My thoughts on the US election today

It's voting day in the US for a new president. I generally try to stay away from politics as it can be divisive, and I certainly don't mean to offend and take sides. But as a Canadian outsider, I feel the need to post some 'life and liveliness' things I've though this time around. 

I was really confused by this one. Seems like an attack on 'socialism' and against democrats, but is all about fear: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UnX7TNFIELg&feature=plcp

I've seen many people supporting the Republican side on solely a faith based issue of 'pro life' which is fascinating that to many this is the issue to drive the day for many. Yet surely there are other values that are important, isn't there? I believe values are important, don't get me wrong, and I believe human life is precious. Yet why is this one value above and beyond any other?

As with all ethical things a myriad of other issues play in. Is it driven by some kind of 'sin value scale'? I don't think God has a scale that runs from little white lies up to abortion. Maybe the biggest challenge is thinking through all the issues, and here's a couple interesting links that surprised me this election which are values to consider.

Here's a committed republican's position on loosing the fear of universal heath care, which runs straight into other key issues surrounding the abortion debate. The thesis is if America had universal health coverage there would be less abortion: http://www.patheos.com/blogs/permissiontolive/2012/07/how-i-lost-my-fear-of-universal-health-care.html

Surely Christ saw all people equally, how can anyone justify denying a vote? Doesn't that show a profound lack of valuing others? http://www.southernstudies.org/2011/09/should-the-poor-be-allowed-to-vote.html

Sticky ethical issues can't have black and white solutions. If we close quarters on our specific ideas of 'what I define as right' (worse yet in God's name) we are doing the same things as those that want to enforce strict shari'ah law on others. We start a fight that takes away life and liveliness.

Adding life and liveliness is all about transparently including people, and supporting their needs in a sacrificial way. It helps no one to divide up into corners of 'my' values and throw rocks. It makes a difference to care and see the world through eyes of equality and understanding.

If I was voting, it would be for equality and understanding.

I have chickens!

I just realized that I really haven't been posting any new and deep thoughts.... I've actually started a few in the last few months, but haven't really re-read or posted them.

I did however build myself a chicken coop, and now am the proud owner of 8 chickens! Since I live in a small town in Alberta, it seemed fitting. According to the Birkmann test I took a few months ago, I have an interest in agriculture/outdoors, so I have permission to nurture my inner farmer.

Most of the chickens are young: 3 Silver Grey Dorkings (pictured and critically endangered in Canada), 2 Speckled Sussex, 2 Americanus (the ones that lay light blue eggs) and one mature Rhode Island Red. The Rhode Island Red 'rules the roost' is at the top of the 'pecking order' and other wise bosses everyone around. She has earned the nickname of 'Attila the Hen'. She is the only one old enough to lay eggs so far.

I have to say, that I am simply amazed almost everyday as I stop by to pick up the freshly laid egg. It's just amazing to look at this edible product, and see where it came from!

The coop itself is more of a 'chicken condo' than a coop, complete with thermostatically controlled heating, but it's small, lots of poops lying around, and not a place I'd want to live. But in the chaos, the cramped quarters, these funny little beasts are capable of producing a perfect, clean, flawless, life sustaining egg.

I just look at them and don't seem to get over the amazement of it all. I like technology, but I'm thinking we're very far away from machinery managing to pull off anything as perfect as a simple egg.

Come on by: I'll share.

Most Inspiring Gift Ever

Got some news on my birthday today, which is the most inspiring gift ever.

In 1993 I was working for Samaritan's Purse Canada and had 'escaped' out of Mogadishu Somalia to Kenya, when Franklin Graham asked me to set up an African office in Nairobi. I said OK and built out a guest house to ferry volunteers, and an office to coordinate supplies into Somalia and Sudan. I also started discussions with UN members to start Samaritan Purses' Rwanda work.

Those were some pretty dark days as one might imagine (my brain starts spinning to even *think* about watching the movie Black Hawk Down: can you say a touch of PTSD? Not enough to mess up my life but I do see a Loomis truck in a parking lot, scan for trouble and park by the *other* entrance to the store.) The year and a half in E. Africa was very hard, but I'm proud of what I began. One of those first staff was Benson. He continues to work there today, and proved he was a man of integrity in those early days.

I was honoured to be included in a plan with Scott Hughett and John Clayton to privately provide some funds for Benson to build a greenhouse and sell tomatoes off season. John told me:

Benson told me, 'I know how to grow things'. He is growing tomatoes - I ate one, it was delicious. The challenge isn't growing them, it is growing them at the right time to hit the market. The 20L bucket can sell for either 200ksh ($2.50) or 2,000ksh (yeah - $25!), depending on the season - it's all about timing.

He also said:

His home is a 4 hour bus ride to work each day (it was a 2hr taxi ride each way), yes he gets up just after 4am each day to get to work. He told me that he hopes to be self sufficient in just a couple more years and will move completely to farming, and yes perhaps sleeping in occasionally. . .

Benson is totally inspiring for me. A guy with very little in the way of resources living with integrity and hard work allowed me to help, which is such an honour! I can't imagine what it would take to do what he has done. Look at that picture! That is the picture of someone owning his life with wisdom and strength of character. Talk about a guy adding live and liveliness, not taking it away.

Thanks for the great birthday gift of inspiration and food for thought Benson!

Traffic

I've travelled a few places in my day, and getting around town is always interesting. Canada is pretty similar from what I've seen. Some narrow windy streets in Vancouver to no right turn rules in Quebec. Bangkok was dirty, London and LA were just clogged, and in East Africa, well, anything seems to go with the lines just suggested examples of where to drive.

I was surprised in Washington DC to find people crossing roads on a red. Lots of pedestrian signs, lights, timers and well done cross walks. So, lack of direction is not a problem. But yet, almost every crossing, people just walked across the road as long as there was not a car that would instantly hit them. I even saw a couple with 2 little kids in strollers crossing busy downtown streets like that!

I felt like an idiot standing there, unwilling to cross. I don't think I'm a stickler for traffic law, or unwilling to 'do as the Romans do'. Perhaps I just don't want to die. At times, groups of people would dart out as traffic allowed, and others would follow to not be left standing there. Leaving me all alone, waiting for the green light. What a dork. I asked several natives about this and they just chuckled and said 'That's what we do here'. One lady told me that almost once a week there is someone that is hit by a car. And yet, they just keep crossing on the red.

I asked a Somali taxi driver to explain and he just shook his head. It's on the traffic to stop, regardless, or it's all on the driver. The individual without the car needs to be protected. Single women sometimes will also dart out of the cab without paying, and a Somali taxi driver can't chase a pretty lady down on the street without fear of repercussion. So where on earth does this pedestrian power come from? Why do pedestrians feel entitled to doing what they want, when they want, without the rules applying to them? Even with police everywhere, I saw them stand around as people just walked where they want, when they want.

Just a cultural thing? Possibly. Perhaps a strong sense the the rights and freedoms of the less powerful person (ie: not in a car) need equality with a bus? But I would be concerned that an attitude of 'the rules don't apply to me, I'm special' in the nation's capital impacts on the running of that nation. I'm not sure how the nation's capital can turn a blind eye to pedestrian entitlement, and the cost of vehicles on the road. Isn't this the one place where entitlement shouldn't be rampant?

Do you feel truly free?

In your country?
In your circle of friends?
In your workplace?
In your place of worship?
With God?

I had a conversation where the answer was a mix of yes and no. This was interesting to me, since I expected the answer would be a definitive no because none of us are free, or a definitive yes because being in a community involves an acceptance and choice of owning the the rules of that community. There is not freedom without ownership. There is only freedom with submission.

I'm not sure how one ends up in a community (choosing to be there) and not feel ownership with a 'free' voice within that community.

In North America we throw around 'It's a free country' all the time, and it's true: we are free compared to a dictatorship in another country. But there is no free lunch. That freedom is bought with a price. We happen to live (and choose to continue to be!) in a country where people fought for a system of government that gives us choice. That makes us feel free, because for the most part it's so well set up that it just works. But the fact is that if we decided we don't like the rules, and do what we want, there are consequences. Choice includes responsibility. For the most part we follow the rules because they are what we define as 'normal' and it is easy to be compliant (culture subconsciously aids us here).

In reality though, none of us are free.

All of the above are actually the same structures of 'communities' we belong to. Community is important, and includes authority structures (formally or in-formally), rules, responsibilities, and things we get from the community and things we give. There are codes of conduct we choose to submit to in order to be a part of the community to avoid consequences if rules are broken. If we feel free, it is because we are in line with the rules. If we don't feel free, it simply means we don't feel that we have choices and want different things than the community is offering. Ironically, I believe all people have choices: we just don't understand the situation or do not want to own the responsibility of the consequences.

Many brave soldiers have died fighting for a cause in a 'community' we call a country. For right or wrong reasons, whether they chose the cause or felt they didn't have a choice, they fought and died to support the ideals or ideology of that community. Freedom to choose is bought with blood.

If you believe you are free (or without consequence) in any one of those communities above, you likely will not be able to articulate the implied or direct rules or authority in those communities, or understand the rules and authority you have subconsciously accepted and the entirety of the responsibility you bear. If you did, it wouldn't seem so free. If you do not feel free, without understanding and accepting the rules and authority of the community you are in, you will feel confused or frustrated by expectations you can't understand or fear.

If you believe there is freedom without consequence and ownership of choice that you must bear, you have not been paying attention to the sacrifice of all that have come before. You are not special. Life isn't just more fair for you than others: many debts have been paid already. You are just enjoying the consequences of what others that have paid for you. You are blessed, not more special than others. There is no free lunch.

Isn't it bad that 'none of us are free'? Absolutely not! This is just how life works. Life can only flourish when we realize that for there to be 'freedom', ownership of pain has to happen in community with others so we earn freedom together. If we believe we are free (without the hard work of choosing or ownership) then we are just pretending and perhaps even believing we are special and entitled to be exempt from the pain. If we realize that in *any* community we choose to be in, we are a vital part of that community and need to become responsible to participate and support that community. Or choose not to own what is required and leave. This is honest living. People that experience 'freedom' in a community without giving are only half there.

Once we have owned our choices, and contributed together with others, great communities are achieved, and freedom can be enjoyed by all in that community. But no one should feel free from the work to get there. No one should choose to be in a community expecting to get anything positive without giving in. Complacency is not the same as ownership.

Country: Is why you need to take voting seriously, as you have been given the responsibility to be a part of choosing of leadership. Dying in a war may be required, FYI.

Friends: You can't just 'take' in the relationship, you have a responsibility to give and define what being friends means. You absolutely need to be aware of what you are required to give, and what you do and do not agree to in being part of of the relationship. Lest you feel like you have no choice but to go along with someone else's rules.

Workplace: A healthy workplace wants you to speak, own clear responsibilities and give to build the business model. Not to just simply do what you are told and collect a pay check. Something is wrong if that is happening.

Place of Worship: Religion is full of subtle rules. If you choose to brand yourself with a particular set of rules, you should participate 100%. Including your check book.

With God: Ah, the cool thing here is that according to the Red Letters in the Bible, the only requirements are to love the lord your God with all your heart, mind and strength and love your neighbor as yourself. That's it. If there are other rules given to you to please God, there is something wrong.

For me, God is the ultimate authority, and what He thinks matters. We know what is instructed of us (see above) and otherwise, we are free to participate in whatever communities we want, given that we follow His rules while we participate. In fact, I don't think there are prizes in heaven for following any rules created by man, we just have communities as part of how life works. One is not better than another. We are judged on God's rules as we executed them as a part of whatever communities we choose to belong.

We can feel free to any particular community that gives us joy as we own the rules and authority structures of those communities, and enjoy the 'freedom' that comes from accepting and choosing compliance and working hard to give. Knowing that by doing that we are accepted and a valuable part of life. We can expect to feel isolated if we try to join a community, and only exist within that community without accepting ownership and choosing to give.

So the real question is what communities (or authorities) do you choose to submit to? Then the hard question that follows if you do not feel right about being painted with that brush, why do you choose to stay?

Ideology

My son had a great question for me. Since I don't subscribe to any one published ideology, in particular a church or other community group, what then is my ideology?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ideology
An ideology is a set of ideas that constitutes one's goals, expectations, and actions.

I believe that God is alive and active in our daily lives. His purpose for us is to learn and choose, which is why God doesn't tell us what to do. Free will demands that we learn and choose. Christ had 2 important rules for us to follow, but otherwise it is up to us to learn who we are, choose to involve ourselves in the communities we want, and otherwise learn to trust.

When we take ownership, we give life and liveliness to others in our community and the ones we love, and fear is reduced.

Life is full of pain. The goal is not to try to avoid all pain (if we try, that will last only as long as it takes to get hungry), instead we need to be aware of the pain you *should* be owning (and which ones to leave to others). With insight into who we are and want to be, we must choose which pain we will own, then fight, tear and bleed until those pains are resolved. From the resolution of the effort spent comes peace and space, where you feel fulfilled and at rest. Joy can flourish for a job well done and you can truly enjoy life. You are blessed by the God of creation because He knows you *can* choose. Do you?

We avoid choosing to own pains due to fear. Fear is tricky. Fear seems insurmountable. For the most part fear is related to the things that we cannot control. Yet, if we realize there are things that we shouldn't control, and choose to own the things we should, there will be less to fear.

Courage

There is nothing more courageous than living the truth.

Measuring grieving

It's been a year, today, that my Dad died.

Honestly, I feel a bit guilty that it really seems to have arrived without any trauma. I feel like I should care more, or have a melt down, or *something*. I just don't feel like I need to. My wife suggests these things are what you make them to be. Thanks Honey. Definitely makes me feel better.

During his illness I experienced a very was almost a visceral sense of fabric of the universe in motion. I didn't feel small, I was a part. I certainly wasn't in control, but I was important. It was all connected. I feel like I was a part of what was happening, and I was really OK to let things happen.

On my last visit with my Dad, he really didn't seem to have any idea of what was coming. I'm not sure if that was the pain killers causing a haze, or the cancer that was killing him, or an unwillingness to accept what was occurring. I suspect the later, as he wanted to get out of hospital, and get on with things. No time for dying, which then and now seems like he horribly missed the point. It's sad for me to say that I really have no idea what he was thinking.

I do have a profound sense of loss with my Dad. But it isn't new. I've had it for many years. But he lived his life the way he wanted, and I did let my sense of loss go long before he was sick. He only wanted so much in a relationship with me. We had that.

I like being a Dad, and being a part of my kids lives. I plan to lean in to my relationship with them as much as I can. I like to tell them how much I care about them, and love them. I try to tangibly show that on a daily basis. My goal as a Dad is to teach them to trust God and themselves. To be self aware and choose for themselves. Then celebrate that with them.

Yeah, I do loose my cool sometimes which sucks: I'm no where near a saint or superman. Most importantly though, we're not done in developing, exploring and enjoying our relationship. No where near done.

That doesn't mean that I haven't though a lot about him over the last 12 months. At first I would think I should give him a call (I usually would initiate contact), and then I would have to remember he's very much out of cell coverage. Now, I have both of those thoughts almost simultaneously. It adds to that that sense of loss every time I can't call. I'm not sure what that means, really. Is that improvement? Not sure. I know things are reaching a balance, and somehow I know it's all OK. Perhaps the only tangible measure is acceptance: and I think I'm there.

I put up this plaque by my office. I enjoy it when people come by, read it, and know I care. If even just in passing. Some do think it's really strange that some ashes are there: even perhaps disrespectful? I don't think I get that either.

Funny, but I know my Dad couldn't give a rip that anyone care to remember him after he was gone. For me I care. I miss him and like to remember his life. That feels good.

Why is change important: Part 2

It provides opportunity for us be whole.

I believe being truly happy, is a result of choosing well. When we choose well, we encourage life and liveliness for ourselves and others.

Sometimes choices are hard.

It's easy to point at other broken people or things and want to make outward changes. There may be 'corporate' type things you are responsible for and you must make hard choices. This might easily fit a workplace. Choose the things that add to life and liveliness of those around and the world will be a better place. It's your responsibility.

But what about the things that we need? It's funny, but we all know getting things we want will not make us happy. You can't buy, manoeuvre, plan, or takeover happiness. But we all try. Again and again. Finding the 'right spouse', changing a government, making someone pay, having riches. No good.

Yet, investing yourself in a good spouse, seeking to work to make a government better, forgiving wrongs, working hard to earn that whatever you want drives the mechanics inside us all to feel contentment. Guess what? That adds life and liveliness to yourself and others.

It is change that gives us this opportunity. The trick is knowing what you need to control, and then choosing a course that gives, not takes. Which requires you personally to give of yourself. A life of careful choices to give, it what is key, to ultimately feel full of purpose and to feel whole.

Articulate what has changed, then what that means to you and those around you. Is it adding to life and liveliness, or taking it away? Chances are, the latter. Then ask yourself what is good for me, and others?

I have no idea what you might apply that too, but if your answer is going to require great personal cost, you are probably on the right track.

Peace, Justice, Love and Tolerance

So many voices speaking out for truth.
Articulate arguments for peace, justice, love, and tolerance
It's the purpose of the UN you know:
Peace by cajoling and political maneuvering
Does that ever really work?
You cannot make people choose.
Artists capture the ideal, compelling us all.
Everyone loves the idea of peace.
Even those who would purposefully cause pain
It's so much easier to gain an advantage when people's guard is down.

Free will and choice of the individual cannot be stopped
Cannot be taken away
People's have the power to either hurt those around them
or add to their lives
So often, the choice is to take
Without thinking.
Maybe on purpose,
Maybe innocently.
It's just what happens: they say.
It's the way we it's done: not their idea.
They don't have a choice.
They are not to blame...

Who is?
At some point, it has to be ourselves
That choose to stop taking, and give to others.
Not because it's moral
Not because we're making someone happy
But because being a whole person means we take on our own pain.
Not subtly push it to someone else.

This is life

I understand the cost to own pain
I understand the drive to stop those who don't.
I understand the desire to be free of pain.
I feel the hopelessness.
But I'm also blessed to understand the joy of being around those that add life and liveliness

We cannot stop people choosing to pass the pain.
We can't really blame them: we've all done it
Whether they do it because they lack awareness of what they do
Or believe they are entitled to be free,
We cannot stop them.
We must choose to own our pain.

We have to forgive.
We have to trust.
We have to choose to own that.

Welcome to the family, Parker

We got ourselves a new dog!

We found Parker (Lab/Collie mix) at the Red Deer SPCA. He belonged to a family in Red Deer, that apparently had several small children and we guess that there was just too much going on.

He's 11 months, so not quite done with being a puppy, but was obviously well cared for. He's a low energy dog, and so is very happy to lie around when we are not busy. Right from the get go he feel into a good walking step with us, and loves to sniff things and a very gentle soul.

He does seem to be a little skiddish of a few things: loud noises seem to fluster him a bit, he seems afraid of splashes of water, and brooms. He certainly isn't eating very well yet, but otherwise he seems to have adjusted very well, and is extremely well adjusted. He is very interested in pleasing everyone around, so we feel very fortunate to have found him.

A couple days ago, my son and I took Parker out to the Dickson Dam resevoir for a walk. There was lots of talk of mathmatical proofs (the Banach-Tarski paradox states that 1 sphere can be cut into 5 pieces and re-assembled into 2 spheres identical to the first) and the whole ride home was spent bantering on the effects of cutting a quantum cloud in half. The math and physics remain unsolved, but the dog got a good walk and I had at least a couple good quantum questions. Parker was sleeping soundly after all that sniffing.

We look forward to Parker being with us for many years to come.

Sunday morning bath in the pond

http://picasaweb.google.com/brucemilne/Animals#5336844815673390786

My son's shower epiphany

On our way in the van out to Mother's Day events in Three Hills, My son spoke up with his shower epiphany.

'Mercy is really meaningless and wasted, if the person being given mercy is not aware of what they have done wrong.'

Wow.

Should a new range hood install take 8+ hours?

That doesn't even include the prep time on the wall! Many thanks to my wife for help out at times, and Scott who dove in and got busy. He really did great, and found things I had missed and fixed them on his own!! Another reno junkie in the making?

The space had a fridge in it when we started, and as you can see once removed there was gaping holes in the lath and plaster, and a terrible lack of vapour barrier and insulation. Once taken down to the studs, the 2x4 walls built out to 2x6, new electrical, new gas supply and some plywood finish to stand in for drywall, we get to putting in the range hood.

The new stove is about as professional as you can get at home, and can generate more BTU's than my furnace. A 36" BlueStar with built in grill and two 22k BTU burners. And now a hood to match!

I should mention that this is just planning/staging/proto-typing of our kitchen. We're thinking green, with a white subway tile backsplash, maybe stainless steel countertops, etc, etc, but so far we've just re-done the back door, and this 6 foot space. Maybe we're crazy to do a bit at a time, but this is what works for us. I could really make a good argument for working through decisions and planning this way in stages, rather than trying to plan the whole stinking thing at once. We weren't planning on starting the kitchen yet, still other things in progress. I just found the stove at cost, and knew that I would have to pay almost 3 times the price to order anything of this magnitude at regular prices.

The hood is a Broan 36" shell, with a external 1200 cfm blower. Ok, according to the formula one uses to determin how big your range hood needs to be, 900 cfm would have been enough, and twice as much as the typical kitchen blower. But with that grill, I wanted to *make sure* I didn't smoke up the house with the grill.

It's turned out better than expected! At about 1/3 power, I pull enough air to match 'normal' exhaust and it's very quiet because of the commercial style baffles and the motor outside. At full bore, it's enough suction to easily handle my pork chop test drive, and more I'm sure. Standing outside, it is amazing the down draft coming out of that thing...

So far, so good. The first chops disappeared quickly. I love cooking with all the horse power and look forward to working her hard!

The importance of choice.

At times I go on and on about choices, and perhaps tend to be a little
too black and white. Life, sometimes isn't that easy. But chances
are those dificulties stem from past choices. Consequences hurt.
Here's the condensed version of my theology on choices.

1. The great thing about being an adult, is that we get to choose.
2. Your choice isn't right, or wrong sometimes: it's just your choice.
3. Sometimes, you need to wait to enjoy the fruit of your choice, but
good choices always bring joy.
4. When we fail to choose, we frustrate ourselves and poison others.
5. Growth and fulfilment come from choice.
6. We have to own our lives, in order to choose.
7. God will judge your choices: learn to choose well.
8. We understand ourselves, and others better when we choose.
9. We empower ourselves and others when we make choices that benefit
the comunities around us.
10. Owning other peoples reponsibilities and choices is generally not
healthy and creates dependancy.
11. Nothing robs life and liveliness like failure to understand and
own your choices.

Living a life full of liveliness includes grieving

I think it's obvious to anyone that knows me, or interacts with me often, that I'm not really myself at the moment. That's what drives me nuts about my moment in the ditch: I'm just not myself. Normally, I don't drive into ditches. I'm tired often, possibly entirely due to an emotionally draining last year but also due to my brain churning on bigger issues. I struggle to enjoy cooking and even feel overwhelmed with some of the basic tasks to be done. It's fair to say that recent events are still hanging painfully hard on me.

I've been reading articles here and there online about grieving. They all seem quite academic, and there isn't much in the way of practical help. Talking with Steve the other day helped a lot. Steve often seems to put things in a very practical way. He was expressing some of his own experience with his Father dying, and he said that his father dying just made things different. The world was changed, and getting used to the world being different is something that people that are grieving need to adapt to. That is the grieving process. That made sense to me, and is some good practical help.

If you had asked me a year ago how grieving would go, I would have said very little about the bigger picture, and talked about a relationship with the person that died. I thought my head would be swimming about my my Father and what was lost, and possibly yet undone between us. But instead it seems to be quite backward. I don't think about our relationship at all: nothing seems left undone, no unanswered questions on my mind, no unfinished business. But yet, my brain spins on a world that is different.

Scott Peck in 'The Road less Travelled' talks about balance and the depression that comes from letting go of the things we love in order to maintain that balance. If we are honest about life, things do change from time to time and we must let go of some things we love to maintain our balance. Or we have to lie to ourselves and avoid change in order to keep that balance. I'm just not sure what has changed so far, and what I need to honestly face.

Maybe it's as simple as giving up my chance to be and interact with my Father, and in him dying I've lost the ability, or option, to be there as a part of his life. That doesn't seem to be it, for me. Perhaps it's just understanding in a very personal way the implications of a life ending and I'm churning on if I've made the right choices that matter to me. That could be it. It's possibly as simple as being nailed with the stark reality of what is important in my life. Not in an angry way, but we only get one shot at a lifetime, and it needs to count.

It is very clear to me that my father fiercely created and lived the life he chose. Which seems so much of a tragedy to me because he chose not to share so much of himself, but locked it up. Finished, forever. Ironically my father would have scoffed at a lot of emotional noise. He'd say 'All I need is my Bible.' Sadly, that misses the point, or perhaps highlights it. I don't want to be detached from people and lock myself away. I don't want to fear and hide, I want to share in community with good people, and be balanced.

I choose to share with people, even though that means accepting the pains of life. I am so grateful for so many people, near and far, that care about me. Unbelievably so, at a time like this. I look forward to a lifetime full of rich sharing with the people that matter to me. That is what matters to me and I embrace that.